Portal: Best GLaDOS Quotes
GLaDOS is one of the most iconic villains in video gaming. This sentient AI with a love of cake and an even greater love of killing endeared itself to gamers in 2007 with the release of GateValve’s universally acclaimed puzzle game.
GLaDOS has spent much of its time taunting the player character, Chell, both Gategames, with a mix of menace and sarcasm, a combo that gave him some memorable quotes. To celebrate the release of GateCompanion Collection on Switch, here are some of the best, both for being funny and also for what they tell the audience on GLaDOS as a character.
ten “You will be cooked, and then there will be cake”
Gate is the game that spawned a million “cake is a lie” memes upon release, to the point that even other games reference it with their own cakes, but it was this line that put it all into perspective.
Initially somewhat non-sequential using the vague promise of cake as a reward for completing the test chambers, this would become a legitimate warning of what’s to come. As Chell was lowered into an incinerator, it became clear that GLaDOS wasn’t lying about being cooked.
9 “You, [Subject Name Here]must be the pride of [Subject Hometown Here]”
Throughout the early stages of Gate, it was clear that something was wrong with GLaDOS. Despite her flat robotic tone, there were occasional statements that contained a degree of malevolence, especially when she seemed to malfunction.
This quote summarizes the two, as it’s unclear if it was a legitimate database error that caused GLaDOS to forget who the player is, or an intentional attempt to dehumanize Chell by not using his name or his hometown. Which adds to the menace while still being funny.
8 “You have euthanized your trusty cube companion faster than any recorded test subject. Congratulations.”
An indication of GLaDOS’ psychological manipulation, the entirety of Chamber 17 saw the player carrying the Weighted Companion Cube. As the player transports him, GLaDOS provokes the player into believing that he is not only alive, but also loves Chell and wants to help him.
This culminates in GLaDOS gently encouraging the player to euthanize the Cube, ending that box’s supposed life. The longer the player takes, the more he will taunt him to do it. This last line is designed to make the player feel guilty no matter how long it took them to euthanize the Cube, and it’s further proof of how bad it was.
seven “We’re glad you passed the final challenge, where we pretended we were going to assassinate you.”
While the attempt on Chell’s life could be Gate suddenly making a left turn in horror, it is possible to escape. With proper use of the portal gun, the player can escape the flames and end up in Aperture Science’s service areas, which GLaDOS doesn’t see coming.
This line is spoken when she realizes and attempts to cover up her attempted murder. It’s not exactly believable, and it’s an indication of the personality flaws of this super-intelligent AI. She also recalls this moment later, impersonating the fully mute Chell by claiming that she told GLaDOS “no way” in a low, comedic voice.
6 “I think we can put our differences behind us. For science. You are a freak.”
The fight against GLaDOS in late 2007 Gate drastically changes her personality, removing the flat robotic aspects of her voice and making her a more sinister and sarcastic presence, more prone to direct taunts than the vague, ominous feeling she had given throughout the game until this point.
This quote is not from that fight thought. GLaDOS says it when she wakes up in Portal 2, emphasizing a vengeful side that she tries to hide behind a veneer of polished professionalism. This passive-aggressive line comes to define much of his character for the rest of the game.
5 “Science has validated your biological mother’s decision to abandon you on a doorstep.”
Much like his bad attempts to cover up his attempted murder in the first game, this hyper-intelligent AI frequently relies on insults from the playing field to taunt the player. This includes mocking Chell for being an adopted child, which she finds out at the end of the first game, saying “that’s funny too”.
It continues in Portal 2, where she tricks Chell into thinking she’s about to be reunited with her biological parents and, as the quote above indicates, that their decision is backed by science. Although childish, these insults add to GLaDOS’ threat with their cruelty.
4 “Look at you, soaring through the air majestically, like an eagle…piloting an airship.”
The second category of playground insults that GLaDOS throws at Chell concerns the question of his weight. Claiming it’s “packed on a few pounds”, comparing it to the Turret for being “a pale spherical thing” and, as in this quote, a series of insults involving the Aerial Faith Plate, a catapult invented for purposes unspecified scientists.
Of course, GLaDOS’ insults are based on little more than pettiness. It also really brings into question whether or not Chell is adopted, as the public only has GLaDOS’ word on this and the AI isn’t above lying.
3 “Here are the test results: you are a horrible person. We didn’t even test that.
Although Aperture Science’s tests are designed to test their equipment while testing the intelligence of their participants, GLaDOS frequently claims that the tests uncover other things, such as how horrible the person being tested is.
It’s nonsense, of course, as is the claim that Chell’s jumpsuit looks stupid according to a scientist with a degree in fashion medicine in France. However, quotes like these once again show the pettiness of GLaDOS’ insults and passive aggressiveness, which contrasts with his murderous desires.
2 “How are you? Because I’m a potato.”
During the events of Portal 2, GLaDOS undergoes a sort of redemption arc. It all begins when the player replaces her in Aperture’s mainframe with the chattering British sphere Wheatley, and the system places her in a potato left over from a child’s science exhibit.
When Wheatley betrays Chell and throws her and GLaDOS down a garbage chute, it kicks off a journey that sees the AI, helpless without access to an entire facility of dangerous gadgets, forced to align themselves with the protagonist. And this quote kicks things off, demonstrating her awkwardness at knowing they’ll have to team up, and her frustration at being thrust into a root vegetable.
1 “It was a triumph.”
Both Gate the games end with a song, both excellent and full of quoted lyrics sung by GLaDOS herself. It’s a bit difficult to determine which of these songs and which lyrics should be considered the best to place here, so both songs can be considered GLaDOS’ greatest quote, but since this quote is the first line that leads to “Still Alive”, the first song, is the quote used here.
Written by acclaimed internet musician Jonathan Coulton and brought to life by actress Ellen McLain’s operatic singing voice, these songs have become instant classics beloved by the gaming community and encapsulate GLaDOS’ personality in both games in three. easy minutes.
Portal Companion Collection is now available on Nintendo Switch.
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