Tighten the deadline for adult children to move out
“What should we do? Give him a year to figure out his life and move on?
I’m talking to the parents of a 21 year old man. Instead of going to college or the military, he delivers pizza, eats pizza (he gets employee discounts), and plays video games. I have a feeling of déjà vu. I have had this conversation over and over again before.
“Why a year? “
“Well, that’s enough time for him to figure things out, isn’t it?” “
“Why not a month? You can understand why you haven’t followed through for 12 months in a year.
They look at each other as if they are ghosts.
“Uh, uh, that’s it,” the father stutters. “What if he’s not ready in a month?” What are you doing? ”Looking at his wife, the mother of the child, who was searching a little harder,“ Okay, I think a month is enough. I don’t. ”He can read the heart of his wife.
“Why not? One day, while he was delivering a pizza, you went to his room, you unplugged his video game, you got it, you took it to work, a safe or whatever. Then when he comes home and finds her missing and starts to withdraw, when he moves around, he goes back to his video game console and tells him Until then. He will probably be gone in a week. You want to let him go, right? “
My parents look at each other and come back to me with quiet shock and embarrassment. I am a psychologist. I can read my heart. They are starting to regret having asked my opinion, especially the mother of the child. She is surprised. Obviously, I don’t care about his mother’s instinct.
She finally raised her voice. “John, now really, a month is not enough for him to collect his stocks. “
“I don’t agree. I have a lot more experience than you in this area. He’s smart. He has a valid high school diploma. He knows the difference between good and bad. He doesn’t. has no incompetence. He even has a car. When I was 20, I was a year younger than your son and had no car. My 19-year-old future wife and I In less than one months I figured out what you wanted my son to understand and the three of us got married-In an apartment in a room in someone’s basement, I never looked back. Your son can. just turn off the video game and use it as a carrot and it will become a huge carrot. “
Surprisingly, they probably did this after vomiting several times. And a month later their son left with his video game, and a year later he was still away and understood it step by step. He had an apartment, two jobs, a roommate, a car, and no longer played his video games because sleep was a more pressing priority.
More importantly, maybe this young adult mother still had a sane mind. Even a pollster.
You can do this too. Remember, there is no pain or benefit.
Percentage of KRT cup shots: ROSEMON DKRT Photo by DON WILLIAMSON / CHARLOTTEOBSERVER (March 22) John Rosemond writes to Charlotte Observer. (Mvw) 2005